of soliloquy, false hopes and dark clouds

I can't believe my eyes, it's been almost 6 months now and not a single post here? What was I up to? Where have I been? Have I gone astray? Why am I asking myself these questions? Am i back in the pit again? Could it be a plain indication that I'm losing my grip or was it a desperate attempt to convince myself that I'm just doing fine? They say, talking to one's self is normal, an occasional demeanor that helps us suit up for the things to come. I say, just don't let anybody catch you conversing with yourself, blog it instead.

Last January, I felt like I started my year right. I was firm in my belief until 2 days ago- my hopes and aspirations begun to crumble. 6 months ago I took the great risk of quitting my job to pursue and be serious with my career plans abroad. I was well aware that landing a more fulfilling, better-paying, less-stressfull job is pretty much a needle in a haystack. So come on, what was I thinking? There I was, being too darn idealistic, weaving my blanket of dreams in the wind, totally forgetting about the reality that will eventually bite me right in the face. Ouch! So, should I really commit to stop chasing the things that shuns me the most? But then again would you blame me for being too optimistic and should I say 'gullible'? I got the handshake, I signed some papers that I thought were confirmation of a job offer, i was told to wait and then.. boom!-- the sad news came, after 2 months of waiting in vain they told me that things are being reconsidered. Tell me now, how hard can it get? You've put so much trust and faith not just in yourself but in the people behind the glory that you almost caught in your hands and then puffttt.. everything is gone in a blink of an eye. They told me to hang on.. f&%$ that! It's depressing, it wounded me, this unfortunate event is like a deep spartan sword cut in my ego. Imagine that.

The elemental powers of nature are siding on me. They can feel my pain. Summer is officially over. The sunny days of my life are gone- wasted, ashamed,and a complete mess just like David Hasselhoff.It will never show itself again till the rains wash away all the hurt and negativity that enveloped me. Sometimes basking too much in the sunshine will shut you blind. Too much vibrance, too much idealism will put you off the track. Dark clouds come once in a while to put back the balance. There is a quiet relief seeing a fleeting rain cloud in the middle of a hot scorching day, not all rainy days are gloomy and dark and sad. It comes in the right time, it comes when we unknowingly need them. It comes to pull you back into reality, saving you from burning alive because you're to busy chasing the glimmer of your unfounded dreams.